jayu’s blog

Or perhaps I should have titled this entry "how to be your woman's keeper in Korea," as it would have been just as fitting. But, lest I get carried away with my ethnocentric, pro-American conceptions of how women should be - ruggedly independent, self-fulfilling individuals who respond to no voice but their own - I'll do my best to put myself in the shoes of the invisible and paint a somewhat unbiased picture of the Korean culture of femininity. I have never considered myself a feminist, but that's only because "feminism" is increasingly difficult to define these days. I've never extended respect to women who believe that the female race should dominate the male race; no, the yin and yang should be in balance. Yet despite this desire for perfect equality, that, too, is impossible to define. At which point do a man and woman have "equal" power in a household? And what if the wife's submission is of her own free choice? What if she simply does not want to be the primary decision-maker in her relationship and her dreams since elementary school have been filled with wedding planning, childbirth, and housecleaning? Couldn't that be the result of her own free choice?

Yet we must never fail to realize that free choice is also a subjective concept, that what we consider "our choice" is also subconsciously-embedded in cultural expectations and deep-seated norms. In other words, what we might believe to be "our choice" is still heavily influenced by subliminal messages in media and advertising and by the others who view us and wordlessly judge us on a daily basis. In Western democracies like America and in Europe, it may appear that this restriction on our free will has been lifted. However, even the rebel has friends, friends who influence him to rebel; subculture and counterculture end in the same 'culture,' so to speak.

In Confucian societies, this notion of free choice is turned on its head. It would be redundant of me to interject with a verbose exposition of how Confucianism has cemented the collective in Asia - it might as well be common sense that in Asia, "the nail that sticks up gets hammered down." But what is most fascinating is how two Asian economic powerhouses - Korea and Japan - combine democracy (and what we believe to be a purely Western idea of democracy) with Confucianism, two systems that should be anything but brothers. Confucianism, with its hierarchical ladder of power and pre-set social roles, should be the oil to democracy's water. So how does it (or doesn't it) mix in Korea? This is likely the culprit of culture shock for many Westerners in Korea - not so much the fact that everything is different as much as it is both different and familiar at the same time. How is one to act in Korea, if neither 100% Korean nor 100% Western? When is it acceptable to speak up or remain silent? This ambiguousness makes understanding gender roles in Korea particularly difficult, and I don't personally believe that Korea's juvenile democracy (the Republic was established merely 60 years ago) has matured enough to properly distinguish these vague roles. As a Westerner I might characterize the role of Korean women as horribly backward for a republic, but Koreans would probably (and vehemently) disagree.

Traditional Joseon women are not merely a dying remnant of Korean history - rather, they represent the ideal image of the Korean woman even today. A Korean woman dressed in a tank top even during the stiflingly humid jangma season is a rare sight. Even though the habit of smoking has become a steady trend in Korea, women who smoke are considered trashy and undesirable. Tattooing is illegal as it is in Seoul, and therefore one can already guess the opinion Korean men have of tattooed women; the mere thought of it is completely taboo. But these standards are unsaid and not easily understood by the foreigner. Visible to the naked eye are the fashion trends that characterize Korean femininity. In Japan I used to smirk at how tiny Japanese women wobbled feebly and pigeon-toed on icepick heels they simply could not master. Then I came to Korea to find that the painful-shoe trend was overwhelming and nowhere near its demise, and that Korean women - their feet showered in blisters and calloused patches - have mastered it no better. Beauty's dominance over comfort is nothing new (corsets, foot binding, etc.), but something I assumed that democracy would erase and lock forever into the past. Western women wear heels, of course, but nowhere near the extent and frequency that Korean women do. It is out of the ordinary to see a Korean woman wearing pants; if she is, it is absolutely paired with heels and accented with excessive jewelery and makeup. The occasional exception to this rule would be young high school girls and old married women, indicating that this keen attention to feminine style is linked with male attraction. A mating call, so to speak. After mating with the male, the female praying mantis bites the head off her mate and continues to consume the rest of his body. Love hurts, doesn't it?

By tradition, women are certainly "kept" in Korea. Korean pop music is evidence enough of this standard - a female Korean rock star? Ha! Even I must laugh at the thought; I don't think I'll ever see that in my lifetime. While the development of democracy has made it more common for a wife to work, she is still expected to have children and maintain the household, even despite a 50-hour or more workweek. In my opinion, this practice has remained largely unchanged in comparison to slightly more "free" societies like Japan where birth rates are dropping rapidly. My suspicion is that while both countries, due to financial restrictions and increased working hours for women that detract from time spent on childcare, have reduced the number of children per household, Japanese women are more likely to remain unmarried or have no children at all than Korean women (and indeed, South Korea does trump Japan when it comes to birth rate). Thus, while technological development, economic miracles, Christianity, and even pop culture have taken the southern half of the peninsula by storm and packaged it with the Western label of democracy, the old Joseon wife refuses to die. Why?

Once again it comes down to free choice. Feminist movements are considered the product of Western thought in Asia and have never gained enough momentum in Korea to produce substantial change. Assuming that all humans have essentially the same desires, what made the fight for equality so much more dynamic in America? Could it be that - curse the thought! - Korean woman are content with their rung on the Confucian ladder?

For even married women adhere to the aforementioned beauty standards. Last week one of my Korean co-workers, married and thus assumedly with no male to impress, tripped over a covered wire on the floor behind me. She was, of course, wearing towering heels (with jean shorts and a T-shirt). "Elly," I said, "be careful! Don't kill yourself! Why do you wear such high shoes all the time?"

"Ah, I know these can kill myself," she said. "But if I don't wear them, the students think I am their friend. Can't do that! If I am their friend, they don't listen!"

Her reply shocked me. Heels, a symbol of power and domination? Well, over children, anyway. But what about the other middle-aged women, married, not employed at all and especially not at a school, who still spend hours each day fretting about their appearance? Whose choice is it, anyway?

The abundance of American GI's stationed in Korea has added a whole new level to the significance of femininity and its development. The men come expecting a stereotypically delicate and obedient Asian woman, and their expectations are overwhelmingly met. But their actions are not met without resistance. When seen with a Korean woman they risk being cursed at (or even in some cases drawn into a physical fight) by Korean men in passing. This occurs for two main reasons: 1.) a "these are OUR women, stop taking them" attitude, and 2.) disapproval towards the woman for dating and/or marrying outside the race. Mixed marriages have not yet reached a comfortable level of acceptance in Korea as they may have in other Asian countries. Confucianism rears its head again...but the female would not dare bite it off.

I have to give Korean men some credit, at least, for avoiding a double standard: the same attitudes are held towards Korean men who seek foreign wives. And so, to protect their image, Korean men wouldn't even bother, making the Korean male/Western woman couple an element of purely imaginary proportions. After all, why seek an aggressive Western woman when you have dainty, submissive Korean women at your fingertips? It simply wouldn't be logical. And why would it be? Greater freedom for women has only given Korea the American syndromes of higher divorce rates, premarital births, and more children in daycare with less maternal attention. It must be seen as a trade-off: increased social problems, or less gender equality? Korean men would certainly vie for the latter, but as the republic continues to plow through every obstacle to modernization, their voice of opposition to radical transformations in the Korean institutions of gender and family are silenced.

Perhaps, then, it is only a matter of time that the Joseon woman disappears from South Korea forever. Until then, she will remain as one among many in a diverse pool of contradictions somewhere between the East and the West: "[Koreans] combine great flaming emotion with an extremely fine sense of etiquette. They devote themselves to work and they devote themselves to family. They ascribe to collective values and yet are probably the most individualistic of all east Asians. They pursue status and titles and yet these often just function as a guide for their behaviour, not as a source of ultimate worth. They can be puritanical about sexual relations and yet more uninhibited than lap-dancers. They are naturally conservative and yet have the ability to absorb differences. The stereotypical Korean is a materialistic shaman-Confucian-Buddhist-Christian."¹ I'd like to hope that there's more to Korean femininity than what exists on the surface. After all, heels can indeed be used as quite deadly weapons...

¹ Michael Breen, The Koreans.

Lord knows I sure know how to make an introduction, huh? Now that the subject line has caught your attention, allow me to elaborate.  'Twas mid-afternoon today and I was aiding with a preschool class at work.  After taking the kids outside, the teachers and I stopped at a buildingside vendor to get them ice cream.  To my horror, I turn around and see a tiny tot grinning up at me with a poo-shaped chocolate-brown filled condom in his hand. I wish I were kidding. Unless the condoms here look REALLY different, it definitely looked like a condom - the kid tore the tip off with his teeth and merrily sucked the ice cream out of it. This legendary event truly represents Korea: shockingly rude and uncouth, yet darkly amusing at the same time.

It's been two weeks now, and already I can feel myself melting into the pot of Seoulites.  You don't have much of a choice.  I get enough stares as it is, so I might as well make some sort of futile effort to assimilate into this seemingly impenetrable world, right?  After the first three days here I learned that it was pointless to say "excuse me" or "sorry" or even move out of the way for anyone, be it on the street or on public transportation - if you do so, it will only give Koreans another reason to stare.  I'm completely unfazed when a moving automobile grazes my elbow - it's just another car sharing the cramped back street with me.  The smells of the seafood street vendors used to make me gag, but today I realized that I've even grown accustomed to the scent of garbage;  I still smell it, but will no longer recoil or scrunch my nose in disgust.  For Seoul, it's only natural.

But as much as this country is not for the weak-hearted, familiarity also extends to the old men playing baduk and the old women carrying babies on their backs in what I lovingly call my "backyard."   Though I walk through it every day, it is probably one of my favorite parts of the city so far.   The bars, the nightlilfe, the noraebangs - they're a dime a dozen here.  But the back streets, that's where the richness of Seoul hides, where for a moment there's more Korea in the city than city in Korea.  They are lined with quaint vendors whose products - clothing, sheets, vegetables - brush up against you like cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, like vines sprouting from walls so close they leave barely any room for a cash register.  There's the police station, always tranquil, its working character more comical than intimidating.  Sundays are the best days to haunt the streets, especially near the Christian church bordering my building, where children and extended families congregate, their excitement spilling out into the narrow street in the form of looping bicycles and rowdy chatter.

Korean is a particularly loud language, and as such, Seoul satisfies both extremes when it comes to volume: at dawn, it is truly the land of the morning calm, almost painstakingly silent until at least 9 a.m. when the morning commute commences.  At night, just before the subway closes, everyone's business is public.  Koreans will not hesitate to yell, screech, push, dance, or perform a number of shameless actions (at this moment I can recall the ajeossi who practiced using his umbrella as a golf club in the subway) completely uninhibited and without regard for the other.  Here, ignorance might as well be bliss - everyone is here, but no one is watching.

This morning I hopped on the metro and visited Gyeongbok Palace in northern Seoul, then also visited the palace museum afterward.  The palace is one of five palaces in Seoul built by the Joseon Dynasty (1392-1910), Korea's last imperial dynasty.  I arrived just in time for the changing of the guard, and the beautiful weather coupled with the grandeur of the palace and tranquility of its gardens made for a remarkable visit.

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To see all of the photos, click here!  You can also view videos of the ceremony at my YouTube Account.

First day of training and health check, and all I can say is...OVERWHELMED. Not in a bad way, but just...wow. Everything in this country is certainly an experience.

My foreign co-worker picked me up for work and we took the taxi to school, where she showed me around the 3 high-rise floors the school occupies (very different to be working in a school that shares its building with a plethora of other businesses, but that's the city for you). The first teacher I met was Eun-mi, who gave me an overview of the preschool class I'll be teaching. I experienced Korean sarcasm for the first time and it completely went over my head: "for this cooking class there are a few supplies...and you will have to go and buy these with your own money." Um yeah, she was completely joking. But there was perhaps a bit of cultural misunderstanding as well, because after we laughed about it, I told her that my mother often goes and buys supplies for her own classes, and that she does buy mandatory supplies herself and is then reimbursed by her school. So I honestly wouldn't be shocked if that were true. I definitely like Eun-mi a lot though, that's for sure. After the first briefing I already began to understand how complex this school system is - most of the classes are pre-planned with textbooks, lesson plans, schedules, etc., and assumedly all schools in the chain operate the exact same way. I'm allowed to make my own lesson plans for one of the other classes I teach, but that's the only one. I don't mind it at all because it makes my life easier, but it's interesting to see how rigidly structured the Korean school system is, and as I observed today, many of the classes are based strictly on repetition and memorization. In one of the classes the students would be asked to read and write tons of words, but when the book occasionally asked them to use it in a sentence, they had no idea what the words meant.

After that I had a free lunch in the school 'cafeteria.' Even though the school offers the teachers a meal plan (for which the school pays half the cost), it doesn't look like any foreign teachers signed up for it, because the cafeteria was filled with babbling Koreans and boy did I feel out of place. I love watching them eat, though. I had a little bit of seasoned pork with rice, some sweet potatoes (the sweet potatoes here are not what they are in America; they are yellow), some kimchi (DUH) and watermelon. Considering all they eat is spicy food, none of them had any water with their meal (meanwhile I gulped down about 4 cups). All I did was put stuff on my plate, but I watched as they picked up various elements of the meal and wrapped them in pieces of lettuce, rather gracefully picking the whole package up with their chopsticks. I saw the lettuce but didn't take any, and I'm glad I didn't - I would have eaten it straight like salad! HA..

Then I went to Mr. O's office (technically that would be romanized as Oh, but O is funnier to me), some sort of manager guy, so he could take me to my health check. Um, he definitely had the personality of a rock and also barely knew any English. Considering no one in the hospital spoke any English, this was not very sensible. But it sure made my health check interesting! It was incredibly thorough - I visited virtually every floor of Hongik Hospital. Height, weight, vision, hearing, x-ray, dental, blood drawn, and oh yes - urinalysis. Heh. This involves you walking down a long hallway with a paper cup - not a plastic one with a lid or anything - of pee in your hand. When I walked into the bathroom, there was a stall with a western toilet but it was occupied. I knocked and the lady started, um, talking to herself. I thought maybe it was to me, but as I stood there and waited for at least 5 whole minutes for her to finish, I realized she must have been talking to herself if it was for that long. So guess what my other option was? SQUAT TOILET. Good christ, how awkward. But alas, it was unavoidable. ;_;

Despite the language barrier and the copious amounts of charades, the hospital staff were all really nice! Some of the technology in there was also cool - there's a machine that tests your blood pressure, rather than the thing they wrap around your arm, and weight/height is also done with a machine too. Lastly I was taken in to see an actual doctor who did his best to ask me a few questions in English. Every sentence he made was absolutely flawless, but he just spoke very slowly. When I told him his English was very good, he shook his head and said it was difficult. But he spoke PERFECTLY, it wasn't broken at all. Makes me wonder how their thought process works, sometimes...

The dashing Mr. O said all of one word, "finish," then drove me back to SLP. By the way, Korea is right up there next to America with SUVs - there are tiny cars here too, but I've seen tons of vans and SUVs as well. Which is why the streets are freaking ridiculously cramped.

When I got back I meandered up to the office floor and met Faith, who briefed me on the phonics class. She is the most adorable person I have ever seen; she's literally no taller than 4 feet and she's just a ball of energy. She must have studied in the states for a long time, because she speaks English with barely any accent. After that I observed two classes taught by the teacher I'll be replacing. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THESE KIDS. They're definitely rambunctious, but so adorable! Just like any other kids, their attention span strays, but some of them are just so talented with English it blows my mind. Even though parents pay to send their kids to this school, Faith told me that many of the kids do not receive any attention at home. "Some of them come in wearing the same clothes all week," she said. In America, you assume that a child who attends a private school has a family with money, right? That's not how it is here at all. Like the ajeossi at the consulate told me, most Korean parents are "crazy" when it comes to education. Even if they don't have high salaries, they will not hesitate to selflessly spend every bit they have on extra education for their children. The parents of these children, regardless of their socioeconomic status, will do everything within their power to live vicariously through their children and lead them to achieve the biggest dream in Korea: to attend an American ivy league. I truly have so much respect for these kids already, because while many American kids can pay their way into Harvard, Korean students will undoubtedly have to work themselves to the bones to get there. These preschool children attend English class for 6 hours per day and while American preschoolers are learning how to count blocks, the Korean children are learning to count in two different languages. The elementary and high school students attend regular school for 8 hours a day and then come to English classes all evening. Needless to say, there is definitely a bit of a blind faith mentality here, almost as if parents will send their kids to an English school just to say they have been to an English school, not really caring whether they're getting anything out of it.

But you know, regardless of how hard they work, they enjoy learning. Like anywhere, you'll get a few students who are struggling, but work is not "uncool" here. Work is just something you do, it's a part of life, and you don't complain about it. I can't rightfully say whether this is wrong or right, because I don't think it's particularly healthy to work the excessive hours that Koreans do. But coming from a country where work ethic is not highly valued, especially in school, it's definitely an impressive element of Korean culture.

I'm not going to lie - I got extremely lucky with this school. It's clean, organized, dependable, and once I understand my schedule and get into the routine of things, the job isn't that difficult. They take care of everything for me - for example, I didn't need to pay for my health check (SWEET), and they took the bills I got off my hands and said they were for the previous teacher, so I don't have to worry about them for now. Best of all, the students are incredible, and I like all of the co-workers I've met, both foreign and Korean.

It turns out that the Korean classes offered at my school are on Tuesdays at 11:30, but erm, I come in to work then? So...I'll have to ask Alice, who teaches them, about that. It's kind of retarded that everyone thinks I know "so much" Korean. "I will teach you the Korean alphabet, called, Hang--" Alice began to tell me, but I told her I knew how to read it. She asked me what I knew how to say in Korean, which is all of about 10 solid phrases and random words, and she was in awe. Do people seriously come here not knowing a WORD of Korean?

I also learned today that circled answers are correct answers (if you write a check mark, students think it's wrong) and Koreans play "rock, scissors, paper," not "rock, paper, scissors" (and the rules are different, too). You say tomAto, I say tomAHto.

I got my first subtle "fat foreigner" comment yesterday. I bought a shirt at an outlet and the lady kept saying something about "saizu" and pointing to the fitting room. I kept telling her no, that I didn't need to try it on, but she looked at me like I was nuts. The shirt fits me perfectly. Oh well. xD

This morning I had 떡 (Ddeok), a sweet ricecake but it has the texture of a muffin, just slightly gooier. It's a dessert but I'll be eating it for breakfast since it doesn't taste that sweet to me. Cost $2 for a package of 8, like everything else here. Also, I am inclined to believe that kimchi cures menstrual cramps. Oh my god. :O

I am truly enamored by the fact that every time I turn on my TV I am inundated with awesome Korean music videos.  Is this heaven, or what?

As you can see on the right hand side, I keep a private Livejournal.  I post in there frequently and in detail, so for the time being I'm going to do some copy & pasting about these past two days from there to save myself some typing. :P  Also, it appears that Vox is not too keen on uploading any of my photos, so for now I'll just have to link to the ones in my Photobucket account...

It turns out the Metro is easy enough to navigate, but needless to say, the subway stop nearest to me is not near me at all. It rained heavily yesterday, so even a 5-minute walk can be treacherous, and I'd say the Dangsan subway stop is at least a 10-minute walk.  Just like in Japan, there are no street names on any of the maps I have, even though many of the streets around here actually do have names. Though perhaps people don't use street names anyway, because when I got lost this morning and asked someone where my street was, they had never heard of it even though it was right around the corner. BUT! Let me start at the beginning...

After at least 24 hours of traveling, I'm finally here!
I had to get an adapter for my electronics but now that I have one, and a free speedy wireless connection, I can finally make an update!

I didn't get in until about 20:00 last night, so the first thing I did was go to sleep.  My apartment is small but pleasant, and it has absolutely everything I need.  All I have to do is go food shopping and pick up a few things like dish soap.  I went to the 7-11 down the street today and got a huge bottle of water, something I was yearning for since the flight (I felt sick on the connecting flight to Seoul, so I didn't eat or drink anything) and got an adapter from an ajeossi on the same street.  It was OK that I didn't know much Korean, because he was REALLY old and didn't have many teeth, so he couldn't talk.  HAHA.  You'd be amazed at what charades can do!

I haven't gone out to eat yet but I've certainly seen some interesting foods at the hundreds of street vendors in my backyard - raw seafood, unidentifiable meat on a stick, something that looked like sushi but definitely was not, etc.  The people here are not unfriendly but they will make no attempt to go out of their way for you - no one smiles much in the streets, but the shop owners have been generally helpful.  Korea seems to have a rather indrawn culture, and I can't say I necessarily feel welcome here as a foreigner.  Not that I take offense to it, because this is not my country after all, but it's definitely going to make living here a bit more of a challenge.

I've worked my way through most situations so far except figuring out where to take my trash and how to use my washer.  I know that many more challenges are ahead, but most of them are only challenges because of the language barrier.  Once I feel a bit more rested I need to spend every spare second learning Korean.  I have no idea how foreigners here can manage without knowing the language, and if they do so, they are likely not viewed positively by Koreans and that sets an awful example for the rest of us.  What's most important to me now is learning Korean and, well, going to work on Thursday!

I haven't taken any photos outside yet because I feel so touristy with a camera, but perhaps you'll get some when I'm on my way to work.  The most beautiful thing I've seen here so far was the illuminated Yeoido bridge over the Han River, which I got to see from the taxi on the way to my residence here in Yongdungpo.  I wish I could have taken a picture, but my camera was buried at the time. :/

The street outside my window:

I finally got my visa squared away - had a wonderful "interview" at the consulate, though it was more like a laid-back conversation with a charming ajeossi who was a bit overly impressed by my credentials, haha.

After several headaches and last-minute rushing, I finally have my flight booked! It will leave this Sunday from JFK and I will arrive in Seoul the next evening after what I presume to be a very pleasant flight with Japan Airlines.  It sure will be better than any of the American airlines right now, what with the price hikes and lay offs and etc.

The nervousness has yet to set in; I think it will come when I board the flight.  Truthfully, however, I think the most frustration came with just getting the visa and flight arrangements, and I have a strong, positive feeling that everything will work out fine when I arrive at Incheon.

I feel I should also mention the massive protest that took place in Seoul yesterday over American beef imports.  I originally caught wind of the story while watching Sinovision, then checked the New York Times later to find this story and this story regarding president Lee Myung-bak's administration linked to the protest.  I must say that I'm impressed by Koreans' soliarity on the issue and their willingness to demonstrate in a peaceful manner.  I don't quite understand the severity of the reasoning behind their protests (and I do hope it doesn't spur greater anti-American sentiment), but I don't think I'd have any right to say I understand, either. 

I'd like to talk more about the issue, but of course I have much to do prior to my departure and must be off for now.  나중에 봬요!